Home is in Your Arms
by JensenAckles13
Summary: Cas would never be ready to hear that knock on his door, never ready to see the Marine standing there with the flag folded neatly in his hands.


Cas moved around the house- it was small, only one story with two bedrooms and two bathrooms- but it was homey and comfortable. They had a white picket fence and a small porch that looked out over the ocean- it had been their dream home. When they'd first found the abandoned little thing, Cas had been skeptical. It was rickety and old and the plumbing didn't work and there were holes in the walls and the paint was chipping. Dean had promised him that they'd fix it together. It took a bit of convincing, but Cas had agreed. They'd gotten it for cheap, spending more on refurnishing than they had the house. But Dean had kept his promise. They'd fixed it together. Dean had done most of the work- re-plastering walls, painting over the chipped white paint with a soft, cream color, putting in new carpet and floorboards- while Cas had done the easier things, like picking out new furniture and tables and table wear and such. Once they were finished, the house was great. Perfect.  
>Now, with Dean gone, it was empty. He'd gone and joined the Marines a year and a half after they'd moved in, six years after they'd met, and four after they'd gotten married. He'd wanted to follow in his dad's footsteps, doing what he thought was right- being selfless and fighting for the country, keeping people safe. He'd always thought there was more to life than white picket fences. He'd been gone for a year and a half now. He yawned, rubbing a hand through his messy hair. It was a little past nine, and he'd just woken up. Coffee sounded fantastic, so he made his way to the kitchen, brewing it and pouring himself a mug, more creamer than coffee. He chuckled as Dean's voice echoed in his head- <em>"Want any coffee with your creamer, hun". <em>It was just a Dean thing. He took a sip and smiled. But that smile vanished when he heard someone knock on the door. His heart leapt into his throat. No, no, there was nothing to be worried about. He slowly made his way to the door, his steaming mug in one hand, his other reaching for the knob. He took a breath and tugged the door open.  
>The breath rushed from his lungs. Tears filled his eyes. He swore his heart stopped beating for a moment, only to continue on painfully, erratically. He didn't hear anything; only saw his lips move, the folded flag in his hands, and the envelope in his white gloved fingers.<br>His coffee mug slipped from his hand, shattering on the floor.  
>He saw the soldiers lips move in a silent apology.<br>His eyes wide and sympathetic.  
>Cas' legs gave out and he sank to the floor, only catching snippets of what was said.<br>"….missing in action…." His heart dropped into his stomach. "….bomb…." Tears blurred his vision. "….great soldier, better man…." Hitching sobs shook his shoulders.  
>"I'm so sorry."<br>As fate would have it, Dean's life wasn't the only thing the bomb took.  
>Cas reached with trembling hands for the flag and the envelope. The SEAL handed it over and walked away without another word. Cas hugged the flag to his chest, shaking fingers breaking the seal of the envelope that was addressed to him. He pulled out the folded piece of paper.<p>

_Dear Cas,_

God, he couldn't do this. He took in another sobbing breath.

_I know it's been a while. A long, long while. Well, okay, one year and thirteen days- yeah, I've been counting. Shut up. _

Cas let out a breathy, teary laugh.

_I put this damn thing in my helmet. If you're reading this…well, they found it. _

_I guess if you're getting this, it means I'm gone.  
>Wow….this is tough, writing this letter. I guess it's not something I've thought about. I always thought I'd make it back to you in one piece. I guess not. It's been too long, Cas, and I'm sorry, but it's going to be longer. I know I don't believe in the whole God thing, and you know it too- you always used to tell me how Heaven is our true home and all that crap that I learned to love- but I guess one day, if I somehow make it into Heaven or whatever, we'll see each other again. And I'm looking forward to that day more than anything. You keep me going, moving, breathing…you keep me fighting and I don't think your realize that. <em>

_But I also don't think you know how special you are to me. You are my rock, my light….and I don't know how to thank you for that. From the moment I met you, I knew you were the one. I know it sounds cliché. I used to believe that true love didn't even exist. Until I met you. You stole my breath away, Cas, and I want you to know that you did it without even having to try. I don't think you know that. You have always been something….extraordinary. Ya know, like….like my light in this dark world. Okay, now that definitely sounded cliché. But I can't stress to you how true it is. You keep me….me. _

_You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want you to know that. I want you to understand that you are…amazing, extraordinary….mine. And I owe you so, so much. When we first met….you know I was depressed. I'd even tried to off myself a couple of times. But when you came along…you fixed me. You glued me back together and claimed me as yours. I didn't think I'd ever find anyone to do that for me. But I found you. I guess it's the other way around…you found me. I think it's incredible how much you changed me, how much you fixed me, without even seeming to realize it. But I want you to realize it. I want you to know that you changed my life, that you put me back together piece by piece. _

_I love you so, so much, Cas. I want you to remember that for the rest of your life.  
>You are a light in the dark world<br>You are my love, my heart, and my soul.  
>You are mine.<em>

_Maybe one day we'll see each other again.  
>I can't wait for that day to come.<br>Be strong, my darling. _

_I love you,_

_Dean_

_See you at home_

He pulled the letter to his chest with the flag, but something fluttered out of the envelope and onto his knee. He picked up the small, tattered, square paper and flipped it over. He ran his fingers over the picture- worn with time, stained with tears and dulled where someone had ran their thumb over it every day.  
>Cas bit back his tears and leaned against the wall, eyes closed.<br>No, he'd been wrong.  
>Home wasn't Heaven.<br>Home wasn't with God.  
>And home wasn't here, either.<br>Home was wrapped in Dean's arms, in front of a cream colored house with a white picket fence and a porch that looked over the ocean.


End file.
